Marriage Talk with Pastor VIncent J. McCaskill
(Installment 1 " Are you married to the wrong people?")
31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
When two people enter a marriage they must understand that this is a covenant before God. We are saying to God after much consideration I choose to love this person unconditionally for better or worse, in sickness and in health... till death part us. Those of us who are married, spoke similar vows before witnesses who we invited to our weddings. The most important witness in the room was a guest we could not see, but was present. That witness was God himself. The marriage is a covenant agreement between two people before God. It becomes valid in the eyes of God when God endorses the marriage. What came from our lips were words that solidified our commitment to love the other person on his or her worst day. Love has always been about a person's word, but many have been misled to believe it is a feeling. We'll deal with love in a later post, but today I want to deal with the verse above.
Have you left your father and mother and united with your spouse? Have you left your brothers, sisters, cousins, and all extended family to truly focus on the marriage? The biggest mistake people make is when they bring their relatives into the marriage. Our focus is supposed to be on the one we said "I do" to. We did not say "I do" to mom, dad, brother, sister, cousin, aunt or uncle. As much as we love our relatives, they can become the biggest stumbling blocks to the growth of our covenant marriage. How? They will insist on some things from you that will drain some of your energy. This is a precious commodity that should only be used for the growth of the marriage. We have to remember that we are to leave and cleave as the Bible states. This means we said bye bye to relatives in terms of the time we would put in with them... and we said hello to our partner for life. When we chose to love this individual we were literally saying "honey, you can trust my word to love you even when I am not feeling it at times."
When we gave our word before God, God then joined the two souls together. We are no longer individual souls. We are souls mixed together. This is why when people divorce they say it feels like death. Why? Because a part of them is dying when they disconnected. The process is painful and what many do not realize is the soul is ripped apart and it impacts each person. They may be physically separated, but no court in the world can untangle the soul tie. You see... you went before God to solidify the marriage and he honored your request... but many went before man to get them out of it. Man can not undo what God has put together as much as that piece of paper says it is over. It is not over until you go back to God to get his ok. Many avoid God in this area because they don't like the fact that his word does not change on the matter.
But back to the matter at hand. Are you more married to your relatives than you are your spouse? This is a problem and if you do not see it is a problem, then you are rejecting the wisdom of God which is His word. When we reject his word, it will destroy the one who rejected his word (Hosea 4:6-7). Are you destroying your marriage to your spouse because you are are more married to your relatives?
Seek out your pastor for counseling. Work on you. We are responsible for the choices we make. It is not the other person's fault.